Understanding Incapacity: Support Networks and Advocacy
One man’s experience with longtime care
“I was told by a lot of people in the care sector that my experience was pretty rare and that the story needed to be told,” said author Michael Maslinski to a packed audience in Stonehage Fleming London.
Michael was speaking on a panel discussion chaired by Matthew Fleming, Head of Family Governance & Succession, and featuring Priyanka Hindocha, Head of the UK Family Office, and Susie Hillier, Head of Wealth Planning. The discussion highlighted both the complexities surrounding diminished capacity and the practical realities of the care system.
In his book, “What would Maggie Do?” Michael chronicles his experiences of caring for his wife who lived with dementia for 15 years and considers what to keep in mind when supporting someone with diminished capacity.
His journey began with the gradual decline of Maggie’s condition, though they “Reached a stage at which we decided that Maggie’s needs would be best served by going into a care home for a variety of reasons,” he told guests.
Michael, who lived alongside his wife Maggie in a care home for nine years after her dementia diagnosis, described the practical and ethical challenges that followed. “I was on the spot and able to supervise and direct every aspect of the care and medical treatment she received, from the staff within the care home right up to consulting surgeons.”
According to Michael, many of the issues he encountered were structural in nature. “The people were wonderful, the care home: great. But the system itself needs reform. I felt that many of the staff’s recommendations were too often seen through the lens of the potential risks to themselves as professionals rather than in the best interests of the individual.
He pointed to legal and financial grey areas, describing a “capacity twilight zone” where the law offers limited guidance. When navigating his own circumstances, Michael adopted multiple risk profiles: conservative, moderate and aggressive to help answer the question, “What would Maggie do?” when faced with decision-making.
Michael shared the importance of preparing for the event of someone’s incapacity including putting Lasting Powers of Attorney in place and choosing the right people to be appointed. “You need people who are up for a scrap. You want somebody who is capable and has an appetite for taking on the system. You also need to discuss in as much detail as possible the way in which you want to be cared for, including the balance between risk and quality of life, so that your nominated representatives feel they can really speak on your behalf. Your preferences may be expressed in a letter of wishes.”
For Michael, community support has been vital. “Reach out and get people involved,” he suggested. “Even people you don’t think you know that well. If you get even a smidge of a sign that they want to help, bring them in.”
Though he credited his rugby club, among many others, with helping keep Maggie mobile, there will always be some friends, he cautioned, who don’t know how to respond to someone who is losing or who has lost capacity. Michael’s response was practical, encouraging those who find themselves in a similar situation to move on. “It’s about them,” he said. “They just find it hard to deal with.”
The panel agreed that early, honest conversations, clear documentation and well‑chosen LPAs can help prevent avoidable crises and preserve people’s dignity when capacity is lost. Michael concurred: “The moment I realised I needed these things in place was the moment when it absolutely hit me in the face so that I couldn’t avoid it. In retrospect, I should have done it much earlier.” Looking forward, having published his book and continuing to campaign, Michael left the audience with a reflective message. “I suddenly find myself plunged back into work and I feel that in Maggie’s name I’m doing something worthwhile.”
Michael Maslinksi is a former Partner and strategic adviser to Stonehage Fleming. His book, What Would Maggie Do? A Triumph of Love on a Journey through Dementia, was published in January 2026.
Photo credit: Jack Finnigan on Unsplash